On many occasions, co-workers would ask how I stayed grounded as a senior executive with the ability to connect with workers at every level and continue to “say it plain.”  I was perhaps an odd ball because of my relentless quest for common sense solutions to complex problems.  Before I ever heard the term “keep it simple stupid,” I heard my Mama saying “there is a thin line between a genius and a fool.” I was blessed to have her frequently remind me when I was about to cross over the line.

 My intellectual capacity had been validated.  I was academically bright.  Be that as it may, some of the conclusions I would draw and plans of action I would undertake defied reason.  I have done some incredibly foolish things.  Without the ever-present grounding of my family  – who by the way take no prisoners when it comes to candor – I would have become a Certified Fool.

You’re smiling because you know what I’m talking about.  You know people who are credentialed up the wazoo, without the ability to work their way out of a paper bag.  Yes, that would have been me except for family and a small network of friends who kept pulling my chain and bringing me back to what is real.

Education is the key that opens multiple doors of enlightened thinking and untold opportunities.  Education is indeed all that and a bag of chips!  I am 100% committed to life-long learning.  HOWEVER, formal education without a healthy dose of common sense produces some really crazy outcomes.

Think of the manager who only reads journals to acquire skill in relating to people.  The executive who talks only to himself and a legion of mini-me’s to craft strategic direction.  What about the top recruited graduate in the finance department who immediately begins to  “direct” corporate initiatives without having a single conversation with his (or her) peers who have worked in the company for years.  While all efforts might be “theoretically sound”, they fall flat in the face of reason and common sense.

IQ (Intelligence Quotient) must be balanced with EI (Emotional Intelligence) and slathered with CS (Common Sense)!   Any one of these cannot stand alone.  One without the other two is lacking the “right stuff” to achieve and sustain meaningful and measurable results.

THE LESSONS:

• Always take pride in formal training and academic accomplishments.

• Know what you know and know what you do not know.

• Surround yourself with people who will strengthen your competencies and shore up areas where you are not strong.

• Always administer a common sense smell test before acting on an idea.

• Your level of education and title will not make a foolish idea appear brilliant.

• Listen to the small voice within warning you when you are about to cross that thin line.

From my earliest days of listening to women in my family talk about stuff I was not supposed to be hearing, I remember one or more of them saying, “A DOG THAT BRINGS A BONE WILL CARRY A BONE.”  It might have been an intense conversation they were having about someone outside the family (and sometimes inside) bringing news of what someone else had said or done.  You know, someone bringing the proverbial gossip.  They were bringing a “bone.”

The workplace has its share of dogs bringing and carrying bones.  It has its share of people whose personal mission is to keep stuff stirred-up.  UNDER THE GUISE OF GIVING INFORMATION, THEIR REAL OBJECTIVE IS TO GET INFORMATION ABOUT YOU AND FROM YOU.

Sometimes the bone that is brought to you is for the purpose of taking you off your game and having you feel a little less confident about your role or status in the organization.

Don’t misunderstand me, there is certainly a need to have a small, close-knit network within which information about the workplace is exchanged and its impact assessed.  There were only 3-4 women in my family constituting that circle of confidants.  Being a member of the family was not automatic grounds for entry into the circle.  Aunts, grandmas, sisters, husbands, and uncles all had to be properly vetted.

“Vetted”.  Now that’s a word we are hearing a lot.  It might not be a bad idea to define it.  According to the New Oxford American Dictionary, to vet someone is to “investigate thoroughly, especially in order to ensure that they are suitable for a job requiring secrecy, loyalty, or trustworthiness”.  I hope you agree, vetting is a good thing to do before sharing bones, especially bones with any meat on them.

Before you send all those bone bearers (or collectors) running to the hills with a haughty “I don’t want to hear that!”, just listen quietly and hear what they have to say.

THE LESSONS:

• Keep the circle of confidants very, very small and properly vetted.  This level of trust is earned over time and cannot be rushed.

• Start by sharing small bits of benign information and see what happens.

• Carefully observe individuals who always seem to be bringing you information.

• React with caution when the news being brought is about you.

• Avoid petty gossip about people.  Engaging in it can be emotionally draining.

• During the initial stages of the vetting process, share only those things you would be okay with seeing on the front page of the company newsletter – with your name attached as the source.

• Utilize your small, very small, network of confidants to get information about what the company is planning and what the company is doing, and importantly, how those things impact you.

• Be fiercely loyal to a small, very small, circle of confidants.

As I listen to news and current events this year, my mind whirls with the sheer number of things being hurled at the president.  I think about him and know it is impossible for him to respond to everyone and everything, everyday, all the time.  So it is with us as we take on crazy stuff at work.  We too must avoid non-productive skirmishes and save our energy, save our resources, and save the support of our allies to fight those battles significant to the achievement of major goals.  We must choose our battles and choose them carefully.

On any given day at work, you may face one, two, three, or ten different things that get under your skin.  Things that make you stare in disbelief, things that make you shake your head, or things that make you angry or scared and want to fight. As early as 1914 or 1915, Walter Bradford Cannon described how animals respond to threats.  He called it a fight-flight-or-freeze response.  The response is primitive, natural, and automatic when there is a threat to our survival.

My fight response was in full bloom during my early working years, and sadly a few more years after that.   I was a self-appointed vigilante for justice in the workplace, speaking-out for what was right, and speaking-up for those who were wronged (by those in charge).  I did not fear authority and let it be known – not my smartest move.  Most importantly, I was totally exhausted fighting every issue that passed my way, ineffective, and sometimes used by those who would not fight for themselves. Then, as my mother used to say, I got some sense.

A wonderful mentor and friend, Bruce Jones, taught me to choose my battles and live to fight another day. He instinctively knew fighting was in my spirit and advised that I not purge the fight instinct, but develop discipline and other skill sets around it.   I understood fighting.  I had to learn selective resistance, non-engagement, and the fine art of winning!

THE LESSONS:

• All issues, problems, challenges, and challengers, are not equal.  Ask yourself if the issue is vital to your career or your core values.  Temper your response accordingly.  Some things are just not worth the fight.

• Do not automatically take up the battles of those who will not fight for themselves.  Those who will not fight for themselves are different from those who cannot fight for themselves. Know the difference.

• Think about the situation and determine the most effective course of action.  If you decide to fight, understand fighting takes on many forms, not always “in your face”.

• Do not pick fights, and most especially do not pick fights with those who have more power and a longer reach than you.

• Always, always weight possible consequences of a fight and be prepared to accept the consequences.

• Choose your battles and live to fight another day!

Every organization has unwritten rules.  We often discover them by innocently breaking them.  Written policies and procedures tell only half the story.  The other half is unwritten and more powerful in determining success or failure in the workplace jungle.   Following written policies will keep you out of trouble but will not get you promoted.

By the time I discovered the existence – and importance – of unwritten rules, I had already changed jobs 3 times, broken several unwritten rules, and seriously damaged my chances for promotion in one organization.  Silly, silly me.  I honestly thought all I had to do was be smart, honest, and work hard.  After all, that is what my parents taught me.  Surprise!  There was much more to learn.

Through divine intervention, I was taught the lesson that has served me well to this day.  We’ll talk about divine intervention and that specific experience at another time.  For now, remember success in the workplace jungle requires mastering the unwritten rules, AND being smart, honest, and working hard.

Harvey Coleman and Alberta Lloyd of Coleman Management Consultants taught me ways to uncover unwritten rules.

• Observe everything. Who is getting promoted, demoted, fired, side-lined, leading special projects? What are their backgrounds and connections? How are meetings run? How do people talk to each other? What do people wear? How do they socialize?

• Question what you observe. Is there anything that does not make sense? Who seems to be succeeding but not following any of the rules? Do they bring something unique to the table – some rare skill or connection?

• Interpret what adapting to the rules means to you. Are you willing to follow the unwritten rules? Are you willing to pay the price for breaking them?

It is not difficult to uncover unwritten rules.  Most of us do it with ease.  Often, we just do not like the rules and hope exceptions will be made for us.  As your personal Jungle Guide, I will help you understand the rules.

For many women and people of color, the most uncomfortable thing about the workplace (especially corporate workplaces) is the small number – or absence – of people who look like them.  While some believe we have conquered all challenges to full integration at the workplace, cold facts say differently. This is particularly true as you move up the corporate ladder, or as some would say, the money rungs.

As a person of color or woman in the workplace, it is not uncommon to find yourself “the only one” in a meeting, at a social function, in the department, on the board, and on and on.  This becomes truer as you move up in the organization.

Whether being “the only one” is a matter of race, gender, style, sexual orientation, or point of view – being “the only one” has a unique set of challenges and opportunities.  There is a strong pull toward conformity in most organizations.  At its most destructive stages, conformity becomes cloning.  Everybody looks alike, talks alike, dresses alike, drives the same kinds of cars, and lives in the same neighborhoods. Not your best image of 21st Century diversity.  Even those organizations (and individuals) who say they value differences, usually don’t value all differences, and certainly not all differences all the time.

So what’s a free-spirited, individual thinking person to do?  First, know when you are on someone else’s payroll, and expect to be successful, you cannot be, do, and say exactly what you want to all the time and under every circumstance.  Second, know who you are and what you truly value – what really matters to you.  Do not confuse what you like with what you value.  Third, prioritize the things (perhaps unwritten rules) to which you can conform, and then show the organization you do those things expertly.  If you are uncomfortable with every aspect of conforming to an organization’s rules or standards, you cannot be successful in that organization.

The more you are comfortable with who you are, the less threatened you are about the differences of others.  Equally important, when you are comfortable with yourself, it is easier for others to be comfortable with you.

A few tips:

• Know yourself better than anyone else knows you.

• Like yourself. Love yourself.

• Respect yourself and respect others.

• Deliver bottom-line results for the organization.

• Do not take things personally. White men struggle with conformity too.

As my grandmother used to say, when you’re “the only one” and in the spotlight, Shine!

Ms. BDH of Birmingham wrote with two questions:

1. Which is better, on-the-job or off-site training? And,

2. Is there a gender discrepancy when it comes to mentoring?

No matter how many degrees you have or outside training you receive, being able to actually do a thing will determine your success in the workplace.  The theory is fine, but the rubber hits the road when you have to do what you have learned, whether you learned it on or off the job.  You cannot simply show up with academic credentials – or even experience from somewhere else – and expect to be an overnight sensation in a new place. You must first take time to understand the environment, then develop clarity about the results you are expected to deliver and how you are to deliver them.

Now let’s be perfectly clear.  Organizations want innovation and creativity, at least most say they do.  They want to take advantage of new ideas and skills.  The big BUT is that you have to demonstrate understanding of the “how we do it here” before others rally around your ideas about “how it can be done better”.

So Ms. BDH, get all the on-the-job and off-site training you can get.  Become a student of your field and a student of your organization.  The real power is in your ability to execute what you have learned.

What about mentors?  The best students are those who know what they do not know and have a hunger for learning.  Once you open yourself to learning how things work, what’s okay, and what’s not okay, it is amazing how many people will be there to help you – to mentor you.  Mentors come in all shapes, sizes, genders, colors, and levels inside and outside the organization.  Don’t confuse mentors with sponsors – those who can open doors for you and make things happen. While a sponsor can certainly be a mentor, mentors are most often not sponsors.

Women and people of color often have difficulty connecting with mentors.  That is a big reason for this website and why I do the work I do.  If you do not hear anything else I say, hear this:  Do not shut the door to being mentored simply because the mentor does not look like you.  Accept mentoring from a polka dot pig if that polka dot pig has information and experience you need to better understand a situation.  I know, there are a lot of knuckleheads who may not want to help you.  I also know there are a lot of good people – men and women of all races and backgrounds – who will help you navigate the workplace.  You let them know you are ready to learn!

When you are on the outside looking in, the importance of relationships at work can seem out of balance.  You don’t know anybody and the people who make decisions don’t know you.   Perhaps you are saying “Around here, it’s who you know not what you know that counts.”  Even people who don’t know much can be heard saying that.

Lesson One:  It’s who you know AND what you know.

Lesson Two:  It’s who you know, who knows you, and HOW they know you.

Let me stress technical competence.  You have to do well whatever it is you are paid to do.  And yes, it is still true that women and people of color have to do it better and are often paid less.  Don’t waste a lot of time whining about that fact.  Just make sure you do your part to balance the scales.

What does it matter if you are brilliant and the people who can impact the course of your career don’t know it?  You have to get out there and let people know who you are and what you can deliver for the organization!

“I don’t play golf.”  What do you do?  “I don’t want to socialize with those people on my personal time.”  How are they to get to know you?  By the way, the higher you move up, the less “personal time” you have.  Your time and the company time get all snarled together.  All of this above-and-beyond work stuff just gives people an opportunity to get to know you, to learn what you can do, become comfortable with you, and perhaps support (or at least stop blocking) your career goals.

I give full credit to Harvey Coleman, Coleman Management Consultants, for opening my eyes to the power of relationships in the workplace. Relationships and visibility are critical and position you to be observed by potential sponsors. Sponsors - the ones with influence who can open doors and make things happen. Unlike mentors, you do not choose your sponsors.  Your sponsors choose you.  Sometimes you know them, other times their identity may not be obvious. Someone is always watching.  The organization is always on the lookout for new talent.  You control what they see.

How can you get the attention of potential sponsors?

• EXCEL at the work you’ve been hired to do. Deliver Results.

• ENGAGE in organization activities and initiatives beyond “your job”. Volunteer for special projects; participate in company-sponsored community events.

• Allow others to ENVISION you performing a different job or at a higher level in the organization. Your job is to be visible – looking, acting, and interacting as if you are “ready” for the next opportunity.

Finally and importantly, you need more than one sponsor.   No matter how powerful the sponsor, you make her or his life easier when there is support from others when your name is put forward.  Equally important, if you are tied to a single sponsor, your career has the potential of rising and falling with that of your sole sponsor.  Think outside of the box.  Get to know people outside the organization.  People outside often speak to people inside about their interactions with you.  Not to be missed: Strong relationships outside the organization are crucial to having options and opportunities when it’s time to leave.

My life has been richly blessed by having not only my parents, but both maternal and paternal grandmothers, and great grandmothers take part in shaping how I see myself and the world around me.  I often speak of the lessons they taught, particularly lessons of the grandmothers.

Cora Sampson Leonard and Altamese RileyTyson were beautiful, independent, intelligent women who lived into their mid-90s. They were my grandmothers.  Both were very particular about appearance. Their words will always be with me: “Look like Somebody,  Be About Something, Keep Your Clothes Clean and Pressed, Sit Up Straight, Stand Tall, When You’re Feeling Bad – Look Your Best, and Walk Like You’re Going Somewhere.”

As a child, I didn’t give them nearly enough credit.  They understood, without studying non-verbal communication, that a minimum of 70% of what we say about ourselves is said before we ever speak a word.  They got it.  Through the years, I have relied on those lessons and remain forever grateful for being taught them.

It is really frightening to think that 70% of what we say about ourselves is said before we speak a single word.  People who understand and master this truth are often said to have “Presence.” Presence - that thing that makes some people memorable and causes us to want to know more about them.  That feeling that makes us want to listen and be around someone before they say a word.  Presence.  Hard to describe but you know it when you see it.  Are people just born with it?  Maybe.  Can you develop it?  Absolutely!

A couple of tips:  First, PURPOSE – Everything starts with purpose.  It is as if you have a neon sign signaling you have an idea, a thought, a plan, or a strategy.  There is excitement coming from your very being.  People want to connect with you and with what you are about.  Presence is fueled by purpose. “Be about something.”

Second, POSTURE – Whether standing, sitting, or walking, a straight back and level chin make you feel better and look a lot more impressive than slouched shoulders and a down-tilted chin.  Wrap yourself in purpose and present yourself with posture. If you do not have purpose, at least move like you are in search of it!

As an aside, my mother had very long legs and as children, my siblings and I would always have a slight trot as we tried to keep up with her.  It was as a child that I learned to walk fast as if I had somewhere to go and something important to do. “Walk like you’re going somewhere.”

Everyday, we have an opportunity to communicate who we are, what we are about, and our “readiness” to stand and deliver. Just remember, 70% of what we communicate is communicated before we say a word.

My Grandma Alkie freely shared her wisdom and life lessons with us as we were growing up.  Although she never worked in a corporate setting, her lessons served me well, even there.

One of her favorite lessons was: “Every shut-eye ain’t sleep and every good-bye ain’t gone.”  This was a lesson shared with my sister and me to make sure we didn’t try to get slick with the men in our lives.  That lesson has served me well personally and doubly well professionally.  Never underestimate anyone.  Someone is always listening and looking.  Just when you think you’ve gotten rid of someone, they circle back and appear again!

This is particularly true when it comes to difficult bosses and co-workers. I am trying to be my most politically correct when I use the term “difficult.” Actually, I mean those who are pains in the butt. Those who are insecure and/or incompetent. The ones easily threatened and in need of being worshipped.  Especially with those, you must remember: “Every good-bye ain’t gone.”

I once had a very incompetent, but well-connected boss.  We were like water and oil.  No matter how hard I tried to mix with his agenda (because he was the boss), we would eventually be on different pages.  Separated, like oil and water.  I was so very happy when he got promoted. Promoted away from me!  Good-bye and good riddance! …But not so fast.

I got promoted, into his department, working for him again!  “Every goodbye ain’t gone.”

Here are a few tips to help you cope if you are in an “oil and water” situation with someone at work.  These may come in handy because as long as you’re working, you cannot control when your paths will cross, and cross again, with those you find difficult.

• DO NOT TAKE THE SITUATION PERSONALLY. This is perhaps the most challenging thing you must do. Observe and listen. Chances are, others have the same difficulties with the person as you do. While this may not help you feel better, it will at least give you perspective.

• AVOID MAKING IT A CONTEST with winners and losers. If he or she is the boss, you will most likely lose.

• FOCUS ON THEIR BUSINESS AGENDA. What are the things you can agree with, buy into, or support? However small an item that might be, do it 100% with all the zest you can muster.

• Make sure you DO YOUR PART TO KEEP THE OIL AND WATER MIXED!

Something I said earlier is worth repeating, perhaps in a different way. In life, we cannot control when our paths will cross, and cross again, with individuals we find difficult or adversarial.  All we can do is control our reactions to those circumstances.  As we grow our self-discipline, so we grow influence over the course of our lives and our careers.

It always amazes me how quickly some people become disenchanted with their jobs. They are unhappy and thoroughly nonproductive. They have forgotten WHO THEY SAID THEY WERE and WHAT THEY SAID THEY WOULD DO — for the salary offered — WHEN APPLYING FOR THE JOB.

The  “You” the organization thinks it hired is the “You” it wants.

So you did your best on the application. You checked and double-checked.  You were thrilled to interview.  You planned every detail of what you would wear.  You arranged transportation and made sure nothing got in the way of arriving early.  You smiled and were enthusiastic about the opportunity.  Oh yes, the salary being offered was just fine.  Yes, you said it even if it was not true; convincing yourself it was a “foot in the door.” You represented yourself as an eager, positive team player.

You got the job!  Congratulations!  Good for you!

One, two, three months go by.  Perhaps it is the end of the probationary period.  You’re in and the mask comes off.  You begin to suspect others make more money than you. The manager you schmoozed during the interview now gets on your nerves. Shoot!  You are not going to work that hard when others are making more money. You arrive a few minutes late most days.  What the heck!  Just get there when you get there. And another thing, they don’t pay you enough to dress professionally every day.  You only dress up when you go on job interviews.

STOP!!!!!

Where is the person who was so excited to get the job?  Are you some imposter who faked them out?  The answer is critical to your ultimate success in the organization.

THE LESSON:

• Success AFTER being hired is in great measure based on how closely daily behaviors and performance match the who you said you were, and the what you said you would do, BEFORE you got the job.

• The same things it took to get the job are the things required to keep the job AND get new opportunities.

• The “You” they hired is the “You” they want!

• This does not mean settle for your current job or current salary. To the contrary.  Know your worth. Seek new opportunities and better pay.  But, as you seek new opportunities, you must deliver on the who and the what that initially made you attractive to the organization.

• THE BRAND “YOU” SHOULD NEVER BE MISREPRESENTED OR UNDERSOLD.  Forget the organization, you owe it to yourself to be who you say you are and do what you say you will do.   You owe it to yourself to set high standards for yourself that are not tied to paychecks or approval from others.  You owe it to yourself to be the real deal!

Has anyone ever accused you of “forgetting where you came from” or  “acting white”?  It has happened to me.

When you are easily identified as a member of a group (such as African American), others in that group assess you based on THEIR expectations and experiences with the group. Based on their experiences, they have a notion of how everyone in the group should speak, where they should go, and generally how they should live. This is not unique to Black folk.

When you deviate from how people think you should behave, be prepared for criticism. SOME people will be really hard on you, especially as you connect with dominant groups like white folk in the workplace. Even so, I believe MOST people support you and truly want you to be successful. MANY people are just a little afraid.   Why are they afraid? They are afraid to lose you to the other side — that side where you no longer remember.

For me, there were co-workers, friends, and even family, who feared I would not remember to call or visit as I went up the corporate ladder and traveled the world; afraid I would not remember how to eat fried fish in a juke joint because I now ate in fine restaurants; afraid I would not remember to make time for them because I now had “associates.”  They were afraid I would no longer remember I am one of them.

Faced with the negative manifestations of this kind of fear, there are those who simply separate themselves from “their group.”  They prefer to move on with totally different lives and lifestyles, having little or no connection with their past.

I CHOOSE TO ADD RATHER THAN SUBTRACT.   What do I mean?

As a retired senior corporate executive, I can truly say much of my success was fueled by not only delivering results, but by being open and willing to meet new people and experience different things — almost like learning to speak another language.  As a very proud dark skin African American female with short, naturally nappy hair, I specifically learned to move with ease in environments dominated by the ruling class of the workplace — white men.  Some might even say I learned to “act white.” What I learned was how to skillfully navigate diverse spaces.

I love fried fish sandwiches, the Blues and juke joints.  I also enjoy French cuisine, going to symphony concerts and visiting art galleries.  We are more than a single experience, with a single set of people, in a defined geographic space.  We are complex beings who should give others and ourselves a break as more and more of us ADD TO THE BODY OF EXPERIENCES NECESSARY FOR SUCCESS IN THE WORKPLACE.

LESSONS:

• STAY CONNECTED with those who love and support your goals.

• LEARN new things, go different places, and meet new people.

• BE proud of who you are; and ADD to the wonderful experiences and people who make you uniquely you.

This is the season of many social gatherings in workplaces around the country.  Annual company holiday parties are long awaited by employees everywhere.  Some happen on a small scale within departments during work; some happen in the evening at the homes of managers and co-workers; some are in restaurants; and yet others are grand black-tie affairs.  Tis the season of much merriment.  TIS THE SEASON OF TARNISHED REPUTATIONS AND DAMAGED CAREERS.

The same professional style and demeanor cultivated and protected during work hours, must be cultivated and protected in business social settings.  Consistency is the key.  COMPANY SOCIAL FUNCTIONS ARE NOT THE PLACES TO LET YOUR HAIR DOWN AND SHOW HOW HARD YOU CAN PARTY.  You must work while you play.  Well doggone Marsha, that’s not even a party.  You are correct!  It is a social event at which you are working!  Forget what they call it.  You must remember you are W-O-R-K-I-N-G!

A short story about someone you may recognize.  I’ll call her Suzie.  Suzie was a junior professional on the fast track with her career.  It was her first company holiday party and she wanted to make a big impression.

Suzie decided to wear her favorite skin tight, Christmas Red, plunging neckline dress.  She had the figure for it and wanted to show her co-workers a “different side” from her conservative work self.  Rather than go alone, she took as her guest a guy she had just met.  At the party, all eyes were on Suzie.  She was wearing that dress!  Suzie had several drinks past her 2-drink limit.  It was an open bar, the drinks were free.  She danced hard and talked loudly.  Her date also had a roaring good time, joking non-stop with everyone in the room.

The next day, Suzie was the talk of the office and the talk was not positive.  She lost serious ground with her reputation and her career; all because she thought it was just a party and forgot it was work.

THE LESSONS:

• WORK WHILE YOU PARTY AT COMPANY  “SOCIAL” FUNCTIONS  — no matter the day, the time, or the season, keep working.

• DRINK HALF YOUR ALCOHOL LIMIT OR NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES – “free” alcohol can be very costly.  You must be in control of what you are saying and doing.

• DRESS LIKE YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED ON MONDAY MORNING.  While perhaps not “fair”, women must be especially cautious. It is difficult to have co-workers think of you as a serious professional once they have seen you in a Cat Suit.

• MAKE SURE YOUR GUEST/ESCORT/SPOUSE KNOWS YOU ARE WORKING.  They are there to support YOUR business and career goals, not their own.

• These are tough lessons but ones critical to on-going success in the workplace.  Most of the “after party talk” about your party behavior – good or bad – will happen behind your back.  My purpose here is to remind you there will be talk.

Grandma’s wisdom still amazes me.  Although she never worked in a corporate environment, she was so wise in her understanding of human dynamics.  As I reflect on my career transitions, I hear Grandma’s voice saying “Baby, remember, new brooms sweep clean.”  Hers was a message about relationships, new beginnings, trust, old shoes getting new workouts, interpersonal comfort levels, and yes, cronyism.  She coupled her message with a well-known biblical reference – “TO EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON.”  She wanted me to be prepared for times when relationships came to an end. Prepared for times when I might not be the rising star. She wanted me to understand EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO ME IS NOT ABOUT ME. Was she wise or what?!!!

Whenever there are top leadership changes within organizations, you can count on changes at the next level, and most likely one or two levels beneath that. LEADERS, ESPECIALLY THOSE ASSUMING HIGH PROFILE, TOP LEADERSHIP ROLES, SET OUT TO MAKE THEIR MARK. They have an urgent need to surround themselves with people THEY assess most capable of achieving THEIR agenda.  Although frequently wrapped in the language of professional “talent reviews,” these “assessments” are not necessarily based on objective criteria. Haven’t you heard of new leaders bringing in whole new leadership teams? Think about all sectors — a new president of a country, a new CEO of a company, a new head of a non-profit organization, or even a new minister of a church. Don’t stop with top leaders. What about the new supervisor who hires someone from the outside instead of using existing talent? The desire of leaders to surround themselves with people THEY BELIEVE most capable of contributing to THEIR SUCCESS is actually quite normal. I know I had the same desire as I assumed various leadership roles.

Normal or not, if the new broom is sweeping in your direction, it can take a moment or two to rationally assess what is happening. NEW BROOMS DO NOT SWEEP OUT ONLY POOR PERFORMERS. Some individuals who were deemed top performers under previous leadership may not make the cut during periods of significant change.

THE LESSONS:

• ASSUME ALL CHANGE WILL IMPACT YOU. Stay plugged into what is happening at work. Stay alert! If there is significant change happening in the organization, especially with top leadership, get ready for something to happen in your world, regardless of your level in the organization.

• DEVELOP AN EXIT STRATEGY WHEN YOUR STAR IS RISING. This is the best time to build networks outside the organization; and, begin to develop options and alternatives to your current employment. You may not need to execute your exit strategy, but you certainly need to have one.

• REMEMBER, JUST BECAUSE IT IS HAPPENING TO YOU, IT MAY NOT BE ABOUT YOU. New brooms sweep clean!

The term “don’t drink the Kool-Aid” became popular in 1978 when over 900 cult members of Jim Jones’ People’s Temple committed suicide by drinking Kool-Aid laced with cyanide. The world was shocked and mystified. Since that time, the term has been used as a way of saying “don’t be fooled” or “don’t be a fool”. Simply, “don’t be taken in.”

EVERY DAY, IN WORKPLACES EVERYWHERE, EMPLOYEES DRINK THE KOOL-AID OF SELF-DECEPTION. This “Kool-Aid” is a mixture of ego-boosting feedback laced with deceit. It is served liberally by some supervisors, managers, and executives as they dangle carrots of opportunity — a promotion, a pay raise, or inclusion on the “A-team”.

Over the years, I have been served a lot of Kool-Aid. From time to time, I have even taken a sip or two. I am eternally grateful to mentors, family, and close friends who stopped me from gulping it down. THEY HELPED ME KEEP MY EYES WIDE OPEN AND MY FEET PLANTED ON THE GROUND AS I MOVED UP EVERY RUNG OF THE CORPORATE LADDER. They gave me honest feedback and helped me see the games that had been played with others might be at play with me.

As you start to move up and around in the workplace, the easiest way for those in power to control you is to have you think you have a chance of sharing power. THEY KNOW THE STARVED EGOS OF MANY WOMEN AND PEOPLE OF COLOR, DEPRIVED OF POWER FOR SO LONG, WANT BADLY TO BE FED. They know this before we admit this to ourselves.

HAVEN’T YOU SEEN PEOPLE WHO ARE CLUELESS ABOUT THEIR REAL POTENTIAL IN AN ORGANIZATION? They seem to be the last to know they are not in the running for certain jobs. The last to know they are not in the real “inner circle.” The last to know what those in power (and others) say to their faces is nothing like what is said behind their backs. They avoid any kind of critical self-assessment. Instead, they feed their starved egos with deceit-laced feedback from those who are gifted at dangling the carrot of opportunity. They drink the Kool-Aid of Self-Deception.

THE LESSONS:

• KNOW YOURSELF BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE KNOWS YOU. STUDY YOURSELF. Know what makes you tick. Know you have an ego in need of being fed.
• BEWARE OF 100% POSITIVE FEEDBACK. If all feedback is wonderful with not a single improvement point, and you are told “you have a lot of potential” but nothing happens – you’re being served Self-Deception Kool-Aid in a crystal glass.
• STAY CLOSE TO A FEW PEOPLE WHO WILL BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH YOU ABOUT YOU.
• FEED YOUR EGO FROM A VARIETY OF SOURCES. Do not rely solely on what happens at work to boost your self-esteem and ego. Volunteering in the community is a great source.
• Finally, DON’T LET THEM KNOW YOU KNOW IT’S KOOL-AID!

One of my favorite sayings is “Begin With the End in Mind.”  I have used it frequently over my many years of working in various business and non-profit settings. When starting a project, assuming a new position, or even meeting new co-workers, I always remind myself to “Begin With the End in Mind.”  Embracing the term forces me to VISUALIZE THE OUTCOME I WANT, and then TAKE ACTION ALONG A SPECIFIC PATH aligned with that vision.

 Resolutions flow freely as we start a new year.  We say, oh yes, this year we will be better, do better, go farther, and achieve more.  It will be our year!  What resolutions have you made?  With the new year well on its way, what intentional actions have you taken to make your resolution a reality?   MOVING FROM SOMETHING WE RESOLVE TO DO, TO SOMETHING WE ACTUALLY DO, REQUIRES LASER-LIKE FOCUS ON THE GOAL, INTENTIONAL ACTION, COMMITMENT, AND SOMETIMES COURAGE.

Let’s break it down in two parts.

First, consider “THE END IN MIND.”  What is your “end?” Your destination?  What would you like to accomplish?  Be specific. Perhaps it is a better relationship with your boss, a special assignment, maybe a promotion, or a change in jobs altogether.  YOU MUST BE SPECIFIC.  Why?  Because once you know what you want, the next step is to take specific actions to get you there. I said SPECIFIC actions.  Can you see yourself having, being and doing the things you want?  YOU MUST SEE IT BEFORE YOU CAN HAVE IT! If you are unsure about what you want, or you cannot see yourself with it, you cannot have it.  Take some time, quiet time, just you with you, and come to terms with what you really want.

Now, BEGIN!  Begin the journey toward your vision — your goal.  MAKE THAT FIRST STEP, NO MATTER HOW SMALL. Whatever happens, do not take your eye off the goal.  Move with purpose.  Take intentional action.  For me, all goals seem more attainable when I break them into small pieces.  That is why I asked what you want next year, not the next 5 years.  For example, a promotion may not come next year.  However, you can start serious conversations with your boss about your next opportunity.  Ask what things you need to do to position yourself for that special assignment or promotion.  Then, immediately begin to do those things.   

Success on any front does not just happen.  Whether in a relationship, personal health and wellness, in a business, or in your career, success is the result of Vision, Planning, Intentional Action and Hard Work, and yes, a bit of Luck!

My wish for you is that this will be your best year ever.  Start now and make it happen!

During the 1970s and 1980s, integration of corporate settings was just getting started. Companies would hire a “Negro” and place him or her in a highly visible job, usually with little real responsibilities. The strategy was to make sure the individual was indeed  “highly visible,” signaling the company’s compliance with changing laws and commitment to “equal opportunity.” More importantly, IN USING THE HIGHLY VISIBLE NEGRO (HVN) STRATEGY, COMPANIES COULD HOLD AT BAY THOSE WHO WOULD ATTACK THEIR REAL RECORD OF INCLUSION.

 A lot has changed since the 70s and 80s.  A lot remains the same.  PEOPLE OF COLOR AND WOMEN ARE STILL TODAY OFTEN PLACED IN POSITIONS FOR “VISIBILITY” PURPOSES.  They have no real responsibility or authority inside the organization, but their titles and visibility elevate them with external audiences and sometimes with fellow employees.  In such cases, they are tokens, hood ornaments, figureheads.

EVERY WOMAN OR PERSON OF COLOR IN A HIGHLY VISIBLE POSITION IS CERTAINLY NOT A TOKEN.  Many are hired for their legitimate skill sets, placed in real jobs, held accountable for delivering real results, and paid fairly for what they bring to the table. By the way, this is all every worker wants; and, this is what anchors a high-performing, inclusive workplace.

Do you have a real job or are you a token?  How can you tell?

IF EVERYONE WHO HAD THE JOB BEFORE YOU — ESPECIALLY IF THEY WERE WHITE MEN — WAS HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR DELIVERING “A THRU Z RESULTS”, AND YOU ARE ONLY EXPECTED TO DELIVER “A THRU C” - after getting approval, you are at best a token and at worse seen as lacking skills to do the job. If the job you have has been made up just for you, and the work has nothing to do with the real business of the organization, you must ask yourself why you are getting a paycheck.

If you’ve been put in a job as a token, can you do anything about it?  Can you turn a negative into a positive?  I think so.

EVEN IF THOSE WHO SELECTED YOU FOR THE JOB INTENDED FOR IT TO BE A TOKEN POSITION, YOU MUST NOT BEHAVE AS A TOKEN. EXERCISE AND OWN ALL RESPONSIBILITIES, FULL AUTHORITY, ALL RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES OF THE JOB AND POSITION YOU HOLD.  Make no apologies!

The Lessons:

• YOU CAN CHOOSE OR CHOOSE NOT TO ACCEPT LABELS OTHERS PLACE ON YOU.

• WORRYING IF RACE OR GENDER MADE YOU THE TOP CANDIDATE FOR THE JOB IS A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME.

• ONCE YOU HAVE THE JOB, DO THE JOB!  Do the job not to meet the expectations of those who have low or no expectations for your success. Do the job as the job ought to be done by ANY capable, responsible person.  Do the job to the highest standards, standards you set for yourself.

• BE PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO PLACED YOU IN THE JOB AS A TOKEN, TO TRY TO REIN YOU IN ONCE YOU START DOING THE REAL JOB.

• KEEP DOING THE REAL JOB.  DELIVER RESULTS!

It is a bit unnerving to know that all during the day, people are sizing us up based on how we look.  I know of no one who can escape this reality.  We are, one and all, both victims and perpetrators of “judging a book by its cover.”

MANAGING PERCEPTIONS IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT, BUT NEVER MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHEN THERE IS TROUBLE. Trouble could be just feeling vulnerable and insecure. Maybe you have learned of a co-worker’s betrayal. Perhaps you did not get the promotion or salary increase you expected, or had been promised.  Whatever the trouble, you are down and feeling your worse.  That is precisely when extra care must be taken to look your best!

Why bother?

My Mama used to say, WHEN PEOPLE CAN LOOK AT YOU AND KNOW YOU ARE VULNERABLE, THEY WILL TRY THINGS TO HURT YOU THAT THEY WOULD NEVER CONSIDER IF THEY THOUGHT YOU WERE IN GOOD SHAPE — physically, mentally, spiritually, career-wise, marriage-wise, any-wise.  Muggers and thieves know this. They size up people going to their cars at the Mall and make a judgment as to which one they will approach.  Bullies size up other students and make similar determinations.  Men and women size-up each other and determine if there is interest in getting to know each other better.  The point is, sizing up other people is quite normal and happens routinely.

There is real danger in wearing feelings on your shoulders, especially at work.  BEING ABLE TO MANAGE AND/OR MASK YOUR FEELINGS IS A CRUCIAL SKILL. Those who are not members of your cheering squad will immediately detect chinks in the armor.  They will see and make it their business to exploit weaknesses and vulnerabilities.  You are the only one who can keep them guessing.  You must  “never let them see you sweat!”

In 1984, the Gillette Company launched the famous deodorant commercials with the slogan “Never let them see you sweat.” All kinds of situations were highlighted with the bottom line, “NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT.”  The message was clear.  There is danger when others see you sweat.  There is danger when others know you are overly concerned or anxious.  There is danger whenever others can look at you and see you are vulnerable.  When you consistently look your best, regardless of how you are feeling, you confuse your detractors and give yourself time to get it back together.

THE LESSONS:

• When it’s storming on your parade, suck it up, suck it in, and keep smiling.

• Get up one hour earlier than normal and take extra care in grooming yourself.  Look like a million dollars!

• Do not hide out in your office or cubicle.  Get out, mingle and focus positive attention on others.

• If your situation is “public information,” develop a short, positive response for nosy folk who will ask about it.  Practice the response and let it roll off your tongue like a politician would do.

• Stay in control of you!

Everyone wants to have a boss who is smart, supportive, fair and honest with strong coaching and mentoring abilities.  If you have ever worked with such a boss, you know how wonderful that relationship can be.  If you have worked long enough to have had more than two or three bosses, you also know ALL BOSSES ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL. Sometimes, the boss is a Jerk! 

 Unlike great bosses, or even average bosses, JERK BOSSES ARE NOT-SO-SMART, SUPERFICIALLY SUPPORTIVE, UNFAIR AND BASICALLY DISHONEST — hiding the real motives behind their actions.  The coaching and mentoring they do is done to build allegiance to them, rather than build competence and independent thinking within the employee. If you have not encountered a boss who is a Jerk, just keep working, chances are you will.

 The not-so-smart Jerk Boss needs to feel smart and “looked up to.”  They dabble in minutia and details far below their level of responsibility in the organization. They may meddle all in your job responsibilities because they are incompetent in handling their own. 

 All that said, THE JERK BOSS IS STILL THE BOSS.  Pouting and whining about the situation will not make it better.  Complaining to the boss’s boss — or HR — rarely, if ever, accomplishes anything positive, and will most likely make matters worse.  While the club of bosses may not like each other, THEY OFTEN CIRCLE THE BOSS WAGONS WHEN ONE OF THEM IS UNDER ATTACK from a non-boss employee. HR may be powerless to intervene.

 The Lessons:

• Do not look to anyone other than yourself to manage your relationship with your boss.

• Learn to respect the position if not the person. I know this is hard, and can be very hard. Even so, until you are in a position to get another job and roll the dice with another boss, respecting the position may be all you can hang on to.

• Jerk Boss or not, you will generally need the support of your boss to get another job in the organization – and sometimes outside.

• Find one thing the Jerk Boss does well and manage your attitude by focusing on that one thing. It may be the only way you stay sane and keep your job.

• Never underestimate how easily Jerk Bosses feel threatened.

• You rarely have an opportunity to choose your boss. They come and they go.

Your potential in the organization need not be thwarted because you work with a Jerk Boss.  By the way, the Jerk Boss NEVER sees you as working WITH him, only FOR him (or her).  WHEN YOU MANAGE YOURSELF FIRST, YOU ARE BETTER ABLE TO MANAGE THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR BOSS.

These lessons are not so much about what is “right” or “wrong.”  They are not even about how things “ought to be”. They are about realities I have personally experienced or observed, and hope the learning will be of value to you. 

There are two things I have learned about opportunity. First, OPPORTUNITY ALWAYS EXISTS.  Always.  Second, it may not come down your street and knock on your door.  YOU JUST MAY HAVE TO TRACK IT DOWN AND GO TO IT.  It may be in another city, state or different part of the world.  It is out there.  You must decide if  you are willing to go after it.

It is really interesting to watch people, especially young people, love and attach themselves to places that do not love and support them or their careers.  Yes, I know there is more to life than work, but hear me out.  WHY IS IT SO HARD TO TRY A NEW CITY?  What is the worse thing that could happen?  You may not like the place.  If that happens, move back to the old place.

In my late 20s and early 30s, I lived and worked in “Hot-lanta.” It was and is a happening place.   While it was hot stuff saying I lived there, my career was creeping along in a fast city.  I was not satisfied with the creep and started opening my mind to the possibility of living somewhere else.  ONCE THE MIND OPENS, THE EYES SEE. There it was, right in my face in my same company, the perfect job for me.  Not in Atlanta but Birmingham, Alabama. I went after it, got it, and found Birmingham to be a beautiful city. I moved three more times with the same employer. Each time, relocating was the boost my career needed and I gained incredible experience in the process.  The rest is history.

Does it feel as though your career is creeping along? Are you having a hard time finding the kind of position you want?  Relocation may be the thing for you. Upward mobility on many jobs requires a willingness to relocate. While all employers may not require relocation, most value experience gained in other locations.  SOMETIMES EXPERIENCE GAINED  “SOMEWHERE ELSE” IS ALL THE EDGE NEEDED IN THIS HIGHLY COMPETITIVE JOB MARKET.

Successful relocations demand that you release the notion of permanent attachment to the old city. You must rethink your place in the new space, and doggedly pursue new alliances. IF YOU RELOCATE WITHOUT RELEASING AND RETHINKING, YOU WILL MOST ASSUREDLY WASTE VALUABLE TIME COMPARING THE NEW LOCATION WITH THE ONE YOU LEFT BEHIND.

THE LESSONS:

• First love the work you do.  Then learn to love the city where you work.

• Discuss relocation possibilities with your spouse or partner long before an opportunity in a different place presents itself.

• Study the backgrounds of others who have achieved the levels you aspire to in the organization.  Did they relocate over the course of their careers?  But a word of caution: women and people of color should not totally rely on following the career map of white men.  It may be different for you.

I did not come to the world of work properly prepared to take full advantage of compensation and benefit opportunities available to me.  While taught to work hard, live honestly and tithe, the same emphasis was not placed on saving. And there was never a word about investing or creating wealth. The basic goal was to own a home and have enough money to pay bills — not bad, but way too simple.  I now know you can’t know what you don’t know.  I LEFT A LOT OF MONEY ON THE TABLE IN THE EARLY YEARS, AND A LOT LESS AS YEARS WENT BY.  It is my hope we leave not one cent on the table, and secure a legacy of financial literacy and freedom for ourselves and our children.

The salary you earn may be just a fraction of your total compensation and benefit package.  Do you know what is in your package?  Are you tracking only dollars included in your salary?

Although rising costs are narrowing the wide range of options employers offer, many employers, especially large ones, still have valuable compensation and benefit packages. This is not done out of the goodness of their hearts. This is strictly business, done to attract and retain talented employees.

KNOW THE VALUE OF YOUR TOTAL COMPENSATION AND BENEFIT PACKAGE.  This will help you accurately evaluate the job you have; and if you ever go looking for another job, know the value of the total package you are trying to replace. Do the math!

When comparing one company to another, make comparisons beyond salary.  Is there “runway” — room for growth in the company?  Are there bonuses tied to performance?  Ask about insurance (health, life, disability) and the portion of premiums paid by the company.  What about retirement plans?  Savings plans?  Is there a company-matching program  (which is a really good thing)?  How much paid vacation?  Is there tuition reimbursement to help continue your education?  Are you allowed to pay for any benefits with pre-tax dollars?

WHILE FEW OF US WILL GET RICH WORKING FOR SOMEONE ELSE, MORE OF US CAN GET MORE FOR THE WORK WE DO.  TOO MANY OF US LEAVE MONEY ON THE TABLE.   Stop putting those company compensation and benefit brochures in a drawer.  Study them!  Attend meetings about benefits, saving, investing, and retirement planning.

Once you know more, do more!  Take it to the next level and pass it on.

THE LESSONS:

• Salary may be only a fraction of the valuation of your job.  Know and take advantage of the total compensation and benefit package available to you.

• When you earn a dollar, save a dime (at minimum).   Consider investing beyond what you save.

• Do your own research and talk to experts.

• Pass on what you learn to your children, family and friends.

• Leave nothing on the table!